


Maddox and Eli's Backstory

by kas_cosplays



Series: Nothing Fits Stories and Explanations [1]
Category: Nothing Fits - Fandom
Genre: Backstory, Canon Backstory, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29807208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kas_cosplays/pseuds/kas_cosplays
Summary: Eli and Maddox's backstory, told first in Eli's POV and then Maddox's POV so you get both sides of the story.
Relationships: Maddox x Eli
Series: Nothing Fits Stories and Explanations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2191026
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	Maddox and Eli's Backstory

**Author's Note:**

> TW: bullying/disrespecting boundaries, outing someone, mention of eating disorder, lying about doing s*lf h*rm (brief mention), mention of abusive parents, inappropriate/s*xual jokes, uncensored swearing. Let me know if I forgot one and I'll add it in!
> 
> It sounds worse than it is when I write out all of the warnings lol. Anyway, have fun reading this. Certain things won't make sense until later on in the series, but you can still understand the majority of it.
> 
> It would mean a lot to me if you could comment your thoughts instead of just telling me on Instagram :)

ELI’S POV

Eli was a quiet kid in middle school. He was going through a lot, and he often only spoke when he had to. He preferred to keep to himself and listen to other people’s conversations rather than include himself in the conversation.

Maybe that’s what drew Maddox to him. Maybe he wanted to see if he could get Eli to talk, or maybe he wanted somebody who would quietly listen to his ramblings. Whatever the reason, one day, Maddox started talking to him. They sat at the same table during the second semester of their seventh grade science class, so they often had to discuss assignments with one another anyway. But instead of ignoring him like most people do, Maddox tried including him in conversations. He would often say, “What about you Eli? What do you think?”

It caught him off guard at first. He would look up from picking at his nailpolish, shrug, and then look back down. But over time, he started contributing. It was often only one sentence, but Maddox looked happy whenever he spoke, and he liked that. He liked seeing that genuine smile instead of his usual cocky smirk.

Then the teacher changed seats. Maddox was now on the other side of the room. But then one day, he was sitting right next to him. He must have told the teacher that he was Eli’s only friend in the class or that he would help break him out of his shell so that he could get moved next to him. He never really asked Maddox what he said to the teacher, he just accepted that they sat together again.

Maddox started walking with him before and after their science class. Eli went the same way every single time, so it wasn’t hard for Maddox to find him. He would yap on about this and that, and Eli would quietly listen to him. Then he’d say goodbye, and they’d go their separate ways.

At some point during all of his ramblings, Maddox mentioned his sexuality. Eli had kind of assumed he was gay, given the rainbow pin on his lanyard and the way he dressed (not to be stereotypical), but hearing it confirmed felt different. More official. At that point, Eli knew he was bi, but he was utterly terrified to tell anyone. He hadn’t even told Raven yet, even though she was clearly starting to fancy the purple haired girl in her math class and would be very supportive. It was almost reassuring how open Maddox was about his sexuality. He hoped he could be like that one day.

When they were assigned a three week partner project in science, Maddox automatically signed himself up with Eli. He knew plenty of other people in that class that he could have partnered with, and yet he still chose Eli. Looking back, he probably did it because he had a crush on him. To this day, he still didn’t know what Maddox saw in him back then. But either way, they had a project to do, and most of it had to be done outside of class.

So they went to Maddox’s house. The teacher sent home a slip to the parents saying that there was indeed a project going on and that parents should allow students to work with their partners outside of class, so he didn’t have to worry about his parents not believing him. It was a relief to go to Maddox’s house after school instead of his own home.

The first day, he was too nervous to say anything. He was in a strange environment, and he was worried he would do something rude or accidentally break something. Maddox’s dad was still at work, so it was just the two of them. That just made his worries worse. What if someone broke into the house? What if the house caught on fire and they got trapped? What if after what if popped into his head and made his anxiety worse. Maddox could tell that he was tense, so instead of working on the project, he decided to talk to Eli to help get his mind off of what he was worrying about.

Eli slowly got comfortable, and by the fourth day they two of them were sitting side by side on the floor, working on their project and talking. Eli still kept to short sentences, but he was willing to say more than he had before. Maddox would always get this particular smile on his face when he would talk, and he found himself liking that smile. He wanted to see it more. So he talked more. He told Maddox random little things, and he listened intently. He seemed to actually care about what he was saying.

Maddox would crack jokes all the time. Some of them were utterly horrible, others were actually really good. At first, Eli only allowed himself to smile at his jokes. Then it turned into a chuckle, and then a small laugh, until eventually Maddox often had him on the floor laughing his head off. He didn’t laugh very often, but he laughed when Maddox was around. That was probably what sparked his feelings toward him.

When Eli realized he was crushing on Maddox, he got nervous again. He didn’t want to make it weird between them all because of a silly little crush. Maddox noticed the change, so he did what he could to help ease his anxiety, even though he didn’t know what had caused it. He acted playful around Eli to help lift his spirits. He offered him all sorts of food, which he always politely declined. Eventually, Eli realized that it wouldn’t be weird with Maddox, even though he had a crush on him. Nothing had to change.

But things did change. It was the last day of the project, and the two of them were going over the presentation. Eli was really nervous to present in front of the class, and was scared of screwing up. Maddox gave him the easy part of the presentation with less facts so that it would be harder to mess up, but he was still scared he would.

Eli can remember it vividly to this day. They were sitting side by side, their knees touching. They had their flashcards in their hands and were practicing what they were going to say. He got frustrated with himself for constantly messing up and set the flashcards aside. “I can’t do this. I’m going to fail us.”

Maddox’s hand moved to rest on his knee, an action that sent blood rushing to his cheeks. “Hey, it’s alright Eli. You’re not going to fail us. Trust me, no one’s going to pay attention anyway because they’re going to be too worried about their own projects. You’ll do fine.”

“But what if I mess up? I don’t want to be given a bad grade.”

“You won’t mess up. I promise.”

Eli looked over at Maddox who stared right back at him. Eli had only kissed one person before that. His parents practically forced a relationship between him and the daughter of one of their friends because “you two would be so cute together!” as they often said. They went to the sixth grade dance together, and she kissed him. Her chapstick was sticky and tasted like cough syrup and the kiss seemed rushed and unnatural. Eli excused himself to the bathroom and stayed in there for the rest of the night. He broke up with her the next morning, which his parents did not like at all. So it was quite the shock when Maddox leaned in and kissed him.

It was more passion-packed than he would have expected, especially since this was their first kiss. He was too panicked to kiss him back, which Maddox took as a bad thing. He pulled back and removed his hand from his leg. “Shit, you don’t like guys, do you?”

Eli frantically shook his head and managed to find his voice. “No, no, not that. I just, I was, well I didn’t expect that, and-and I haven’t ever kissed a guy before, and-”

“Hey.” Maddox’s hand went to his chin. At the time his hand felt warm and comforting, but looking back it only made Eli cringe. “Calm down. It’s okay.” Then he kissed him again, softer this time.

Eli left that day feeling both elated and terrified. They’d kissed a couple more times and then finished working on their project. Maddox asked him out on a date, and Eli said he’d have to find a way to make his parents let him go. As Eli’s mom drove him home, he was terrified that she would know. He must look guilty. He kept smiling at random, which must have been suspicious. Could she somehow tell? Was there something different about him that would tell her that he’d kissed a guy? Could she hear his heart pounding? Could she somehow see the ghost of Maddox’s hand on his leg and on his face?

But he went to bed that night without either of his parents making a comment about it. So they must not have known.

He couldn’t bs Raven though. The second he got to school the next day, she grinned and said, “Something happened. Give me the details, now.”

He took her to an area of campus where not a lot of people went. He kept his eyes down as he told her that he’s bi, and that he kissed Maddox. Well, Maddox kissed him. She immediately hugged him and told her how proud she was. He almost started crying right then and there, but he’d had enough experience holding back tears to keep them from spilling.

The presentation went well, because Eli just imagined he was back in Maddox’s room and not in front of his entire class. They got a high B, which both of them were really happy about. It was better than Eli had expected.

They pretended that there was nothing going on between them, as Eli requested. He didn’t want people to know about his sexuality, and Maddox respected that. Maddox only told a few people with permission from Eli, and the people he told agreed not to tell anyone as well.

Things were fine the first few months. They didn’t go on dates as often as they wanted to due to how strict Eli’s parents were, but they worked with what they got. They called each other most nights, and Eli would lay under his covers and whisper into the phone so his parents didn’t hear him awake at midnight. He felt happy, and he found himself skipping meals less often.

The first problem arose three months into the relationship. Summer had just started, and Eli was still insistent upon wearing jeans and hoodies even though it got over eighty degrees every day. Maddox had tried many times to convince him to change into something cooler, but he always refused.

The two of them had been making out on Maddox’s bed for the past five minutes when his hand dipped under Eli’s shirt without warning. He immediately pulled back and pushed his hand away, as if he’d been burned. “What the hell are you doing?” he demanded.

Maddox looked concerned at first, but then he rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Oh chill out Eli. We’ve been together for three months now. We can start doing more intimate stuff, exploring new things.”

“But I don’t want that. I don’t want you touching me like that. I told you this.” His heart was pounding, and he felt the urge to run out of the house.

“Chill, it’s not like I put my hand in your pants. Calm down. At the very least you can take off your hoodie so there’s not as many layers between us. You must be hot anyway.”

Eli stood up and backed away from Maddox. “I should probably go now, I’ll tell my dad to pick me up early.” He didn’t feel safe anymore, and his fight or flight was kicking in. He turned to go, but then he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and hold on tight. He froze like a deer in headlights, knowing it would only be worse if he tried moving away.

“Eli, be reasonable. I won’t do it again, I promise. Just stay here. Please.” He let got of his wrist in favor of wrapping his arms around Eli. His grip was tight, tighter than his hugs normally were.

Eli felt trapped. His grip was firm and suffocating. His heartbeat became a roar in his ears and his legs felt shaky, like he might collapse at any moment. All he knew was fear in that moment. He couldn’t seem to find his voice, but even if he could speak he was afraid to do so through fear of making it worse. It felt like forever in the moment, but looking back it was probably only a few seconds before Maddox pulled away. “Eli? You okay?”

But now that he was free, he wasn’t listening to Maddox anymore. He was listening to his instincts and his instincts said to get out. So he did. He ran out of the house and down the stress, not knowing nor caring where he was going. Looking back, he knew he overreacted. He got really worked up over small actions, but given his mental state at the time and his home life, it made sense. Still, it was probably a bit much.

He found an area with lots of bushes and hid behind them while he caught his breath. He was burning up in his clothes, but it’s not like he could take them off. He stayed there for a while, trying to calm himself down.

When his phone started to ring with a call from his dad, he knew he was in trouble. How was he supposed to explain what happened? He shakily answered the phone but didn’t say anything, wanting his dad to speak first.

“Eli? Where are you? Maddox told me you had a panic attack and ran off. Are you okay?” He sounded genuinely concerned. What a load of bullshit. Maddox must be with him. Shit, Maddox was with him. Neither of his parents bothered to speak to Maddox or his father, which was a bit odd. Normally they wanted to meet the parents of whoever he hung out with, but he didn’t do that with Maddox. But now that he had spoken with him, would he know something was going on between them?

He took a deep breath to help prevent his voice from being shaky before saying, “I’m really sorry for running off. I was going to come back but I got lost.” Half truth. He was lost, but he didn’t want to go back. He had no choice, though. “I’m by a sign that says Greymond Road.”

“Alright, I’ll come pick you up. You stay right there, okay?”

“Okay.” The panic set in again. He was going to be in big, big trouble, and he knew it.

The car ride home was silent. Once they got home, his mom pulled her into her arms. He didn’t hug her back. He knew it was fake. She didn’t actually care, when did she ever care?

He waited all night for the other shoe to drop, and it finally did when he said that he said he didn’t feel like eating any dinner. They got angry at him and started to blame him for the panic attack he had earlier. He was lucky enough to keep his phone, so he called Raven that night in tears.

Eli had never told Maddox about his home life. So when Maddox called the next day demanding to know why he never took off his hoodie, he lied. He told him he had scars he didn’t want him to see, but he lied about how those scars got there. If Maddox knew his parents were abusive, he might do something about it, which would only make things worse for him. So he told him it was something it wasn’t. Better for him to think he did it to himself than to have him try to turn in his parents.

Eli didn’t see Maddox in person again until school started again, because he had been banned from leaving the house to hang out with anybody all summer. They met up during passing periods and lunch to sneak in a few kisses in the bathroom, but things were clearly different now. Things didn’t flow like they used to. He could easily blame it on the fact that they hadn’t been together in person for so long, but he knew that it was really because of his freak out.

And Eli started paying attention to what Maddox said. He had always listened to him, but he had never analyzed what he was saying. He started to realize that Maddox wasn’t exactly the nicest person to people. He talked behind their backs all the time, and most of the arguments had been started by him. He started to question if he wanted to keep dating him.

It was late September when Eli broke up with him. Things just weren’t right. He did it at the very end of the day on a Friday, and blocked him everywhere online so that he wouldn’t try to contact him.

That’s when things really got bad.

When Eli got to school on Monday, everyone stared at him as he passed. They whispered behind their hands and chuckled. He didn’t understand what was going on until somebody called him the f slur. That’s when his heart sank. No, no he wouldn’t have.

He found Maddox talking to some of his friends in the courtyard. He yanked him backwards by his backpack to grab his attention. “What the fuck did you do?” he demanded.

Maddox stumbled and raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What did you tell people? What did you tell them?” He shoved him, but it wasn’t very effective, given how weak he was.

He sneered and adjusted his backpack. “Relax, it’s not even that big of a deal.”

“You outed me to the whole goddamn school, didn’t you?”

One of his friends spoke up and said, “Not only that, but he told everyone how you lost your virginity to him.”

Eli looked between the two of them in shock. “But that never happened! I never even let him take off my shirt, let alone do that!”

Maddox chuckled and put a hand on his shoulder. “Eli, no use denying it. It happened, you don’t need to hide it.”

He moved away from him and felt the urge to run again. He turned to do just that when he ran into someone. They both fell down, and he realized that it was Raven. “I am so sorry,” he quickly said. He tried to get up, but he was suddenly feeling dizzy and lightheaded.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Eli, are you alright?”

He managed to get up despite how much the world was spinning. Without answering Raven, he ran off to the bathroom and locked himself in there.

He sat in the corner and cried for all of first period. Just before the bell rang, there came a knock at the stall door. “Eli, is that you?” an adult male voice asked.

Not knowing what else to do in this situation, he shakily said, “Yeah.”

“Your friend was worried about you, and we’ve been looking all over campus for you. Why don’t you come on out?”

The last thing he wanted was to get the school involved, but what choice did he have? “I don’t want to go out.” He sounded pathetic, he knew that, but he couldn’t pretend he was okay.

“Eli, come out please. I’m one of the counselors here on campus. I can help you.”

He finally agreed and followed the man, Dr. Welsh, into the counseling office. He sat in the chair and stared at the ground as he tried getting him to talk. He was still crying, and he hated crying in front of a teacher, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

It wasn’t until he suggested he called Eli’s parents that he spoke up. “Please don’t do that. I-I’ll talk. Just please don’t call them.”

He frowned and placed the phone down. “Go ahead.”

Eli explained as vaguely as he could what was going on. That included telling the counselor about his sexuality, which terrified him but he had no other choice. At the end, he said, “Please, please don’t call my parents. I’m not out to them and I think they’re really homophobic and I don’t want them getting involved.”

He slowly nodded. “Alright, I can do that.” He sighed and scratched his head. “Now, I hate to tell you this Eli, but there’s not much we can do if we don’t get any parents involved. We can try our best to contain the bullying, but we can’t do a whole lot. Boys will be boys, you know? It’s hard to get them to do anything.”

That felt like a punch to the gut. Of course they couldn’t do anything about it. Why did he even bother saying anything? He knew the staff at this school were horrible, but there had been a glimmer of hope that something good would come out of it. “Can you at least switch my classes so that we don’t have any classes together?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s too late in the semester for that.”

Eli grabbed his bag and stood up. “Thanks a lot for the help,” he said sarcastically. Then he left, not caring if he got in trouble for it.

The bullying lasted all week, and it took all his willpower not to cry at school. Raven did her best to help, but in the end there was nothing she could do, and that clearly tore her to pieces. His home situation didn’t help either. School used to be his safe haven, but now he was being tossed back and forth between two places that made him feel awful about himself. His mental health had already been horrible before that, and this only made it worse.

You’d think that’d be it. You’d think that Maddox would back off, and the bullying would die down. But it never did. Maddox found ways to be rude to Eli, and he still got the occasional slur thrown at him in the halls. He stopped wearing nail polish because of it, which meant that his coping mechanism of picking at his nails was gone.

Then February fifteenth happened. He got sent to the hospital to get stitches for his face, but they kept him longer because he was severely underweight. The doctors practically forced his parents to let him go to rehab, which ended up lasting until the end of the school year.

After that, Eli was different. Very different. Deep down, he was still weak and scared. But on the outside, he put on the biggest “fuck off” persona he could muster when he entered high school. People left him alone, for the most part. Maddox had somehow found out about him going to rehab and what happened February fifteenth, and he never passed up an opportunity to bully him about it. Eli pretended to ignore him, but some nights he would cry himself to sleep because of the things he said and the memories he brought up.

Maddox got bored of that when Eli got a girlfriend at the end of freshman year. Instead, he would tease him about his girlfriend. Eli didn’t let that bother him though. He really liked her, and wasn’t going to let Maddox get in his way. She was a cute brunette with a lot of freckles, and one of the sweetest girls he had ever met. They only broke up because she moved all the way to New York with her parents at the end of freshman year. They both knew a long distance relationship was a bad idea, so they ended things. They still talked occasionally though, which was nice.

That summer was the one where he got his lip piercings (a miracle his parents agreed to it) and started wearing more feminine clothes. A week after sophomore year started, Maddox tried getting back together with him. He said he liked guys in skirts, and that Eli looked really hot whenever he wore one. He obviously declined and wore a skirt every day for a whole week simply to piss him off and show him he wasn’t afraid of him anymore.

There was nothing too notable after that, except that Maddox always seemed to hate the person Eli was dating and tried getting them to break up. The attempts were honestly hilarious because they were stupid and never worked. But that’s a story for another time.

******************************************************************************************************

MADDOX’S POV

Maddox was probably one of the most talkative kids in school. He constantly had to be told to be quiet during class, and even then he would keep whispering to people. He wanted to hear the latest gossip from everyone, and he could only visit so many people during lunch. So, he turned to class time to catch up on the latest middle school news.

But there was one kid in particular in his science class that caught his attention. He never talked. He often wore oversized clothes and had square glasses that kept sliding down his nose. His hair was often in his face, when it wasn’t tucked under a hood. Any time the teacher called on him, the classroom would have to be real quiet in order to hear him. Eventually, the teacher gave up on trying to call on him. While everyone else would be talking to one another, he would just sit there quietly and pick at his nailpolish or do his work on his own.

When the teacher switched seats over winter break, he ended up sitting at the same table with the strange boy who didn’t talk. He soon came to learn that his name was Eli. He tried getting him to talk, even if it was just during their homework discussions. He would try getting him engaged by asking him for his opinion, but he often just shrugged and kept doing the assignment by himself.

Maddox had always been stubborn, so he took this as a challenge. He was going to try to get this kid to talk. And over time, he did. It was often single sentences spoken just above a whisper, but it was something. And it made him happy to hear him talk. He couldn’t help but smile every time.

When he wasn’t getting Eli to talk, he was ranting to him about whoever was being a bitch that day. And he always listened. He watched him with those mysterious blue eyes of his and listened to every word he said with no interruption. He liked that about him.

And he wanted to talk to him more. He started walking with him to and from science because he liked being with him. That was probably the time when he started to crush on him. His friends didn’t understand what he saw in Eli, but he liked him, and that was all that mattered at the time.

Then they got assigned the three week project that would be done outside of school. Maddox jumped at the opportunity to partner with Eli. Maybe he would talk more if he wasn’t around so many other people. He wanted to hear him talk more. He liked his voice. And maybe, just maybe, he’d have a chance at being something more with him.

Eli was very, very nervous when he first went to Maddox’s house, that was obvious. He kept doing stuff with his hands. He’d pick at his nailpolish or play with his hoodie strings or shove his hands into his pockets. There was no point trying to get anything done that day, so he just talked to him. Eli seemed to like hearing him talk. Most people would be at least somewhat annoyed by now, but he never did.

As time went on, Eli warmed up to him. He still remembers the first time he made him laugh. Not just a chuckle or laugh hidden by his hand. No, it was a real laugh, and he couldn’t even remember what he said to cause it. He could only remember the sound of Eli’s laugh and how happy it made him. He had made Eli happy, and that felt special.

On the last day of their project, Maddox was nervous. He was really good at hiding his true feelings, but deep down he was really anxious. He wanted to make a move on him, but if he screwed this up, Eli would be too anxious to present tomorrow, and they’d fail. At the same time, this could be his last chance. They might never hang out again after this if he didn’t do something.

He started by placing a hand on his leg. Eli didn’t move away, and he could have sworn his face turned red. He promised him that he’d do alright when presenting, and then Eli was looking at him. He loved his eyes, and wanted to pluck off his glasses so he could get a better look at them. His gaze traveled to his lips. He didn’t even think twice before kissing him.

Looking back, he realized he was a bit too rough with it. But there was so much built up emotion within him at that point that he just needed to let it out.

When Eli didn’t kiss back, he was absolutely terrified that he had messed up. A thousand apologies and excuses ran through his mind, but all he could muster was, “Shit, you don’t like guys, do you?”

A wave of relief swept through him when he realized that Eli had just been nervous. He was more gentle when he kissed him again. He instantly got butterflies, but he tried to act cool. Yeah, he’d kissed a couple guys before, but this was Eli. He wasn’t like the other guys he’d been with.

Things were great for a long time. Eli tended to stray away from talking about him family, which worried him, but he didn’t push it. He enjoyed late night calls with him, and sometimes Eli would fall asleep and he’d just get to admire how peaceful he was before ending the call.

He remembers one time when Eli came over to his house while his dad was at work. The two of them just laid in bed together and talked, and at some point, Eli drifted off to asleep. Maddox took off his glasses so they didn’t break and set them aside. It was different watching him sleep while he was right there and able to hold him in his arms. It was better.

As time went on, he started growing restless. He couldn’t be open about their relationship at school, and that was starting to drive him crazy. Plus, they didn’t get to see each other that often outside of school. On top of that, Eli didn’t want to do anything. He’d strictly said to keep his hands to his upper body, and even then he wanted him to stray away from touching his sides and hips. It was weird. The longest relationship he’d had before that was barely over a month, and he went further in that relationship that he was going with Eli. He wanted something more. He was a teenage boy going through puberty, what did you expect?

He finally decided to do something about three months into their relationship. Maybe Eli had changed his mind but was too uncomfortable to say anything about it. When he first told him his boundaries, he was practically shaking and refused to look him in the eye, which he found odd. A lot of things about Eli were odd.

Maddox started by putting his hand on Eli’s hips while they were kissing, something he had done a couple other times before. He didn’t move away or seem uncomfortable at all. After a moment, he decide to take it one step further and slid a hand under his shirt. He barely got his fingers under before Eli pulled back and pushed his hand away. “What the hell are you doing?”

He was annoyed, to say the least. He couldn’t understand why Eli didn’t want to do anything. The concern he felt at his discomfort quickly vanished and he said, “Oh chill out Eli. We’ve been together for three months now. We can start doing more intimate stuff, exploring new things.”

“But I don’t want that. I don’t want you touching me like that. I told you this.”

“Chill, it’s not like I put my hand in your pants.” And he hadn’t. He never once tried to do anything extreme. But suddenly he touches an inch of bare skin on his back and he’s flipping out on him. “Calm down. At the very least you can take off your hoodie so there’s not as many layers between us. You must be hot anyway.” That was another thing he couldn’t understand; why he always wore a hoodie. Maddox had been wearing shorts and a tank top that day, and he felt hot just looking at Eli. He was worried about what it could mean.

“I should probably go now, I’ll tell my dad to pick me up early.”

The last thing he wanted was for him to leave. Even if it meant doing what they usually do, he wanted him to stay. He may have been a little bit touch starved at the time. He grabbed his wrist, which effectively made him stop. “Eli, be reasonable. I won’t do it again, I promise. Just stay here. Please.” He was on the verge of pleading. He didn’t want him to go. He wanted him to stay because he felt happy when Eli was around. He didn’t have to pretend to be someone else, he didn’t have to put on a facade. He could just be himself with Eli. He moved to wrap his arms around him in a hug. He held on tight, wanting him to know just how much he cared about him and that he truly meant nothing bad by it.

But something was off about Eli. He was stiff as a board, and his breathing came in gasps. He pulled back and asked, “Eli? You okay?”

Then he was gone. Out the front door and down the street. He tried calling after him, but he just kept on running. Shit.

He didn’t know what to do at first. Eli had run off without an explanation. Maybe he’d call his parents to pick him up from wherever he was. He wanted to text him, but at the same time he wanted to give him space. He didn’t want to make it worse. He really did like Eli, and he didn’t want to lose him over something as silly as this. But at the same time, what if something happened to him? No, he could handle himself. Right?

He decided to brush it off for the time being. But when Eli’s dad pulled up, he knew Eli hadn’t called home. He’d never spoken with his dad before, and he didn’t even know if his own dad had talked to his dad before. To say the least, he was nervous when he walked out to the car.

The man rolled down the window. He was in a suit and wore dark sunglasses. “Where’s Eli?”

He was scary, to be honest. He noticed that his knuckles were gripping the steering wheel tight. He had a black and white wedding ring, and his knuckles seemed bruised. He pulled his eyes back to his face. “He ran off, sir. He had some sort of panic attack and ran off.” He was a good liar, so he thought up a story quickly. “We were just watching a movie and talking about how stupid some of our classmates are. Then he got all quiet and fidgety, and when I asked him what was wrong, he just got up and ran. I don’t know what got into him sir, honestly I don’t.”

He couldn’t read his expression behind those dark sunglasses. He simply pulled out his phone and called Eli. Once he hung up, he drove off without another word.

Maddox decided to wait until the next day to call him. He was worried sick, mainly because he knew it was his fault he got so upset. He just wish he knew why. Why would touching him trigger that kind of reaction?

Unless… unless he was hiding something.

The first thing he did when he called Eli was ask if he was okay. He said he was, but it seemed like a lie. So he demanded to know what was going on and why he reacted that way.

He told him it was self harm. He claimed that the scars were old and not that bad, but he was still ashamed of it and paranoid that someone would know what happened and tell an adult about it. When he asked why it happened, he blamed it on struggles with his sexuality.

Now, he knew that was utter bullshit and not the true reason he didn’t want Maddox touching him. But at the time, he believed him. And he wished he had known sooner so he didn’t act so insensitive.

Eli was banned from seeing anyone that summer, and that really upset him. But he tried making up for lack of dates by calling him as much as he could. He didn’t want Eli to feel like he was alone. He didn’t want him to relapse. He knew how it felt to feel like a small nobody in the middle of an ocean of somebodies, and he didn’t want him to feel that way.

He started keeping his camera off during video calls and hardly spoke to him anymore. When Maddox asked about it, he said he didn’t want his parents hearing him talk so late at night. When he tried pressing further, he would get upset and try changing the subject. So he left him alone about it, and made it perfectly clear that he was there to help him any time he needed it.

When school started again, he took every opportunity to get some alone time with Eli. Sometimes, he would meet him in the bathroom between classes and just hug him. He shot up a few inches over summer, so he was now taller than him. He really liked the height difference. He also liked the days when he just held him, because he felt like he was doing something to help him feel better. The times they kissed were also nice, but in a different way.

Maddox did what he could to help him feel better, but Eli was distant. He didn’t talk to him much anymore, and it was getting harder and harder to get him to smile. He just wanted to see that smile again. He missed it. He missed the Eli that laid on the floor and laughed with him for ten minute straight. He missed the Eli that smeared ice cream on Maddox’s nose and then burst into a fit of giggles. He missed the Eli that would snatch a hoodie from his closet and wear it the next day. He missed the Eli that was happy with him.

But now, he was even quieter than he used to be. Maddox would glance at him in class when Eli wasn’t looking, and he always looked so sad. He wanted to know why so that he could help him, but he never wanted to talk about it. He wanted so badly to make him happy. And it broke his heart to see that sadness get worse when he was passed a test with a bad grade or when the class would laugh at him while he stumbled over the words of a passage he was asked to read.

He remembers one time when Eli asked to go to the bathroom in the middle of class. He normally hated doing that, because it caused too much embarrassment. So when he left that day, he knew something was up. A few minutes later, he asked to go to the bathroom as well.

He found Eli in front of the mirror with his hand over his mouth as tears slid down his cheeks. He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him. His shoulders were shaking with sobs, and he kept squeezing his eyes shut. It almost seemed like he was hyperventilating. He looked so, so upset, and Maddox wished he knew what could have driven him to be so upset that he cried at school.

When he realized Maddox was there, he rushed over and hugged him without hesitation. He can’t remember a time Eli hugged him tighter. But when he asked if he wanted to talk about it, he shook his head and headed back to class.

The breakup felt like a slap in the face. It happened a few days after he found him crying in the bathroom. Eli was nervous and spoke really fast, and Maddox could only stand there in shock. He had done everything he could to help and Eli still felt like they were drifting apart. He was pissed, to say the least. But he didn’t show it right then. He told him he respected his decision and watched him walk over to Raven. And you know what happened? After Eli told her about the breakup, he smiled. Maddox had been trying to get him smile for so long, and all it took was for Eli to break up with him. It made him wonder if he was the problem.

Obviously, his friends wanted an answer. They weren’t his close friends, he didn’t have any of those at the time, so he didn’t want to be vulnerable with them and tell them the truth. So he told them a harmless little lie. He told them he had slept with Eli, and then Eli broke up with him the next day. He made it seem like he had used him for sex and dumped him. It was the easiest story to go with. He thought he’d be able to tell them that and move on with life.

No matter what Eli thought, Maddox wasn’t the one who outed him. He would never in a million years do that to somebody. He told a few people he slept with Eli, and each of them told a few people, and they told people, and suddenly it was out of his control.

When Eli approached him the next day demanding answers, he almost felt sorry for him. He had never meant for this to happen. But instead of apologizing, he sneered at him. He was still hurt over the breakup, afterall. Plus, he had to look tough in front of his friends. So he kept on lying, right to his face.

He would never admit it, but he felt part of his heart break as he watched Eli run off in tears. Part of him wanted to run after him and tell him the truth, but he would look pathetic. He cared more about himself in the end, so he didn’t do anything about it.

He planned to apologize to Eli at lunch. Really, he did. But then he heard that he’d skipped first period and gone to the counselor’s office. He decided it wasn’t the best idea.

It snowballed from there. Instead of apologizing, he just made things worse, even though that wasn’t his original intention. He grew to hate Eli. And when he hated someone, he made sure they knew. He teased him as often as he could, just to pound it into his head that he hated him for breaking up with him like that.

Then Eli disappeared from school. He heard plenty of rumors, but eventually he hunted down Raven and asked her about it.

“I’m not telling you anything, not after what you did to him.” She was short, but she was feisty.

“Please, I need to know. I’m not going to tell anyone else, I swear. I just want to know if he’s okay. I… I’m worried about him.” And it was the truth. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had something to do with his disappearance.

She barked out a laugh. “You, worried about him? Bullshit.”

“No, I’m serious! I know I haven’t been the nicest, and I want to know if I had something to do with it. Please, I just want to know if he’s okay.”

After some more persuasion and an agreement that neither of them would speak about this again, she told him. She told him what happened February 15, and that Eli was now in rehab for an eating disorder. She was brutally honest and told him that yeah, his constant bullying contributed to Eli’s low self esteem.

At first, he felt absolutely horrible. No one deserved to feel that way, even Eli. But by the time he went home, he didn’t feel bad anymore. Part of him thought he deserved it. It was a horrible thing to think, he knew that, but he had hurt Maddox, a lot. Sure, he didn’t deserve something so extreme, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel empathy for him. It was Eli’s fault he got an eating disorder, not his. His actions had nothing to do with it.

He thought Eli would come back even more introverted than before. Instead, he came back swinging. He was practically a new person, and Maddox was honestly jealous. He was jealous that it was so easy for him to heal, when Maddox was still struggling to get a grip on who he was and dealing with his own insecurities.

He tried to tear him down. Tested the limits of his new personality. He seemed unfazed by his tauntings. Either he was a really good actor or he really wasn’t bothered. Either way, he was jealous. He wished he could be like that. So he did what he could to try and bring him down and make him feel what he felt. He wanted him to understand his pain. It never worked, and that only aggravated him more.

Then he got a girlfriend, and god he hated her. He hated that he could be happy with someone after how rudely he broke up with him. He wanted them to break up and tried to make it happen, but his attempts failed.

Things switched around when Eli first came to school in a skirt. He had to admit, he looked hot as hell in that skirt. He decided to ask him out, see if that would be what caused him to break. Plus, he did kind of want to date him again. He was disappointed but not surprised when he was denied.

In the end, he moved on to picking on other people, but he still made a point to tease Eli when he had the chance. He was a stubborn person and would never let down a grudge.


End file.
